Appendix:English toilet slang

This list of toilet slang represents a form of toilet humour, often as a result of attempts to replace taboo words related to certain bodily functions and parts by euphemisms and witticisms.

Urination

 * Aim Archie at the Armitage
 * Answer the call of nature (or nature's call)
 * Beating the piss out of the little guy
 * Blasting the beast
 * Bleeding the lizard
 * Breaking the seal (specifically the first visit during a drinking session)
 * Change water on the goldfish
 * Coffee dump
 * Cooling a tire (American truck driver slang)
 * Do a wee
 * Draining the Anaconda
 * Draining the dragon
 * Draining the lizard
 * Draining the main vein
 * Draining the radiator
 * Draining the sleepy weasel
 * Draining the one-eyed monster
 * Draining my rpg
 * Draining down the system
 * Dropping my mate off in a layby
 * Empty my tank
 * Flush my buffers
 * Freshen my Snapple
 * Go pee pee
 * Going to the office
 * Going to water my horse
 * Hosing the porcelain
 * Humping the cat loin
 * Jimmy Riddle
 * Leak the lizard
 * Let er' fly
 * Lift leg (used commonly among members of the furry fandom, derived from how male canines urinate)
 * Losing my suitcase on the baggage carousel
 * Lower the water level
 * Make one's bladder gladder
 * Number one
 * Parking my breakfast
 * Pass water
 * Paying the water bill
 * Pee
 * Pwenk (very rare)
 * Pee Pee
 * Piddle (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
 * Piss
 * Pit stop
 * Point Percy at the Porcelain
 * Point the Pink Pistol at the Porcelain Firing Range
 * Powder one's nose
 * Punish the porcelain
 * Putting out the fire
 * Raining on the bowl
 * Release the pressure
 * Refresh the body
 * Relieve yourself
 * Rock a piss
 * Rock one
 * Running the Sidney Lanier Bridge
 * See a man about a horse
 * Shaking hands with the president
 * Shaking hands with the vicar
 * Shaking hands with the wife's best friend
 * Shaking the dew off the lily
 * Soaking yourself
 * Splashing the pirate
 * Spend a penny
 * Sprinkle
 * Sprinkle my tinkle
 * Squeeze the lemon
 * Squirt
 * Squirt(ing) the dirt (American truck driver slang)
 * Steering Stanley to the stainless steel
 * Syphon the python
 * Taking a Chinese singing lesson
 * Taking a leak
 * Taking a pee
 * Taking a piss (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
 * Taking a slash
 * Taking a squirt
 * Taking a whiz
 * Taking a wicked "Yes" (Family Guy; Peter Griffin in French class after hearing the words, Oui Oui)
 * Tapping a kidney
 * Tinkle
 * Training Thomas on the terracotta
 * Troggle
 * Turning the bike round
 * Twinkle
 * Visit Uncle Charley
 * Visit the urination station
 * Void my bladder
 * Walk my snake
 * Wash my mongoose
 * Water my weasel
 * Watering the flowers (outdoor)
 * Wringing out a kidney
 * Write my name in the water
 * Write my name in the snow

Defecation

 * A sewer snake to release
 * Anaconda action
 * Arsefire
 * Back one out
 * Backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage
 * Baiting the trap
 * Big jobs
 * Becoming the porcelain assassin
 * Blasting a dookie
 * Blinking
 * Blowing up the (toilet or bathroom)
 * Blow one out - Also flatulence
 * Blowout (reference to an oil well blowout)
 * Blow out an O-Ring (reference to Austin Powers)
 * Blow the load
 * BM
 * Boo-Boo
 * Boom Boom
 * Bomb the porcelain sea
 * Build a beaver dam
 * Building a log cabin
 * Burn a mule
 * Caca
 * Call of Doodey
 * Carpet Bombing Afghanistan
 * Chocolate time!
 * Choke a Darkie (racially offensive)
 * Climbing Mud Mountain (or visiting)
 * Create a custom extrusion
 * Crimp one off
 * Cripping a crapple
 * Crowning
 * Curling one off
 * Cutting a Monkey Tail
 * Cutting rope
 * Deceiver of Farts
 * De-corking the borking
 * Deucing
 * Dirty squirties
 * Dispatching a train
 * Doing brown
 * Doing some spring cleaning
 * Dominating
 * Doo-Doo (making/doing/having/taking a...)
 * Doodey (making/doing/having/taking a...)
 * Dooey (making/doing/having/taking a...)
 * Download a brownload
 * Dr. Benjamin Fartlin
 * Drop a double deuce
 * Dropping a dook
 * Dropping a bomb
 * Dropping a deuce
 * Dropping a hoopsnake
 * Dropping a jolst
 * Dropping a load
 * Dropping a loaf
 * Dropping an otter (dropping a Leith Otter)
 * Dropping a Purtle
 * Dropping a Washburn
 * Dropping a sewer pickle
 * Dropping The Dangle
 * Dropping anchor
 * Dropping bass ("base" as in the opposite of treble. Not the fish.)
 * Dropping logs
 * Dropping some friends off at the pool
 * Dropping the Browns off at the Super Bowl
 * Dropping the kids off at the pool
 * Dropping the Mexican Boll Weevil
 * Dropping the weights
 * Dropping wax
 * Dump my truck
 * Empty one's spaghetti house (from Tim & Eric's 'Dr. Steve Brule' segments)
 * Faxing a shit to the toilet machine
 * Feeding the seagulls (politer version of "Feeding the shitehawks")
 * Feeding the toilet
 * Feel a tooth coming
 * Fertilising the plants (refers to defecating outdoors and on the ground, such as while camping)
 * Filing some papers
 * Filling the bowl
 * Fire away
 * Firing a Rocket
 * Freeing me chocolate hostages
 * Giving birth
 * Giving birth to a family of otters
 * Giving birth to the black eel
 * Giving birth to the Spineless Brownfish
 * Giving King Kong his fingers back
 * Going Boom Boom
 * Going poop
 * Going for an Eartha (rhyming slang : Eartha Kitt)
 * Going for a Tom Tit (rhyming slang)
 * Going to meet Jim Davidson
 * Going to number two
 * Going to have a talk with Mr.Hanky (South Park Reference)
 * Going to have a meeting with the Governor
 * Going to the Library (refers to reading while there)
 * Going to the restitorial
 * Growing a tail
 * Hanging a rat
 * Harry Plopper
 * Hatching the brown trout
 * Hungry Hungry Hippos
 * Inserting a SEAL Team
 * Kurt Bevacqua
 * Launching torpedoes
 * Lay down some brown
 * Laying dumplings
 * Laying a brick
 * Laying a brownie
 * Laying a cable
 * Laying a Hank
 * Laying a turd
 * Laying some wolf bait
 * Lengthening the spine
 * Letting loose
 * Letting the toilet know who's boss
 * Letting the dogs out
 * "Liam Neeson!" (exclamation)
 * Lift tail (used commonly among members of the furry fandom)
 * Logging
 * Logging into the toilet and making a huge download
 * Logging out
 * Load your pants
 * Loafin'
 * Lose some weight (Also used in urination)
 * Making a banoogie (referring to an unusually large defecation, often clogging the toilet)
 * Making a tail
 * Making an appointment with Dr. John
 * Making gravy
 * Making logs (or a log)
 * Making waves
 * Makin' bears
 * Monopoly
 * Montezuma's Revenge (traveller&#8217;s diarrhoea)
 * Number two
 * Pebble-dashing the porcelain
 * Pinching (off) a loaf
 * Pinching (off) some soft serve
 * Pinching a yam
 * Pinch-hitting for Kurt Bevacqua (a reference to the old brown uniforms worn in the 1970's and 1980's by the San Diego Padres.)
 * Playing shit Jenga
 * Poo-Poo
 * Poopy Doo
 * Poppin a gooky
 * Prairie doggin
 * Producing some output
 * Pump a clump of dump out of my rump
 * Pull a few cones (Think Mr Whippy soft serve ice cream, and the cones)
 * Punching a growler
 * Punishing the porcelain
 * Punishing the toilet
 * Put food in the dog's water
 * Put logs on the fire (from The Last Man on Earth)
 * Releasing a depth charge
 * Releasing a Dungbomb
 * Releasing Meatloaf's Daughter
 * Releasing the chocolate hostages
 * Releasing the hostages
 * Releasing the Kraken
 * Releasing the hounds
 * Reset unload two
 * Restocking the pond with brown trout
 * Ride a pony and trap
 * Riding the Centaur
 * Ring of fire
 * Sacrificing to the Toilet/Porcelain god
 * Saturday morning special
 * Scatter bombing
 * SE (Sit and Emit)
 * Sending a Fax
 * Shed some ballast
 * Shitting bricks (Houses or apartments as substitutes for higher quantity.)
 * Showering the room with roses
 * Shtounga
 * Slopping gruel in Oliver's bowl
 * Spray-painting the porcelain
 * Squeezing the Malteser
 * Squirt juice
 * Stalling a brown sedan
 * Streaming Nixie (naval expression referring to an anti-submarine device towed behind a ship by a long, thick, possibly brown cable)
 * Studying one's Process Design notes (refers to Environmental Engineering Process Design, a course taught to civil and environmental engineering undergraduates and that deals with, among other topics, the design of wastewater treatment facilities)
 * Taking a brew
 * Taking a crap
 * Taking a Critical Ambient to the Lab
 * Taking a dump
 * Taking a Lehigh
 * Taking a Nixon (used by Kinky Friedman in his detective novels)
 * Taking a poo
 * Taking a Shatner (as in Captain Kirk; would also accept "dropping" or "doing" a Shatner)
 * Taking a shit (a coarse expression, not a euphemism)
 * Taking a slam
 * Taking a Tarzan (crapping in the woods/forest)
 * Taking Mrs Gloop up to the Fudge Room
 * Taking the Browns to the Superbowl
 * Taking the mains offline and ejecting the warp coil
 * Taking the morning curl
 * Throwing up backwards
 * Tuesday Afternoons
 * Turtle time (see Turtle Action)
 * Uh-Oh! (Family Guy reference; Peter Griffin is incontinent at awkward moments)
 * Unlikely Traveler (Defecation, usually on vacation, when you defecate in your pants away from a toilet)
 * Unload
 * Unloading a batch of cigars
 * Welcome to Fudge Mountain
 * Working the Turd Saw
 * Wrestling a leprecaun

Flatulence

 * All-natural fumigation
 * Anal thunder
 * A quick piece from the anus orchestra (in F Minor)
 * Air poo
 * Airbourne toxic event
 * Arsehole Symphony
 * Arse-music
 * Arse-whistling
 * Anal music
 * Backblast Area All Clear
 * Bake brownies (from South Park)
 * Barking spider
 * Backfire
 * Beef
 * Beef-cloud
 * Beef Stew
 * Biological Backfire
 * Biological Warfare
 * Blast off
 * Blow a big one
 * Blow off
 * Blow one out - Also defecation
 * Blowing out the colon
 * Booty burp
 * Bottom burp
 * Brap
 * Break wind
 * Breath of God
 * Brown Clould
 * Browning your shorts
 * Buckshot
 * Bum notes
 * Bum reports
 * Bunker blast
 * Bunny (As in "OOPS I let a Bunny.")
 * Bust arse
 * Butt Thunder
 * Chemical warfare
 * Choke a donkey
 * Churning urn of burning funk
 * Corporal Fart Sounds the Trumpets for the arrival of General Kaka
 * Crop Dusting (while masturbating)
 * Curry night
 * Cut the cheese
 * Diffusion
 * Dropping arse
 * Drop a bomb
 * Drop one's guts
 * Dropping wolf bait
 * Erupting the anal volcano
 * Evacuating the second floor
 * Explosion between the legs
 * Explosion in my pants
 * Fanny Burp (From "The Simpsons")
 * Farting
 * Feem
 * Fire in the hole
 * Firing the auxilury rockets
 * Floating an air biscuit
 * Freshing up the air
 * Flatulating
 * Gas leakage
 * Gaseous Anal Discharge (GAD)
 * Green Cloud
 * Give birth to a brown baby ghost
 * Give up the funk
 * Grunt
 * Guff/guff an eggy
 * Honking the butt horn
 * Honking for clearance
 * Killing the barking spiders
 * Launching a growler
 * Launch one off
 * Let off a howler
 * Let off a stinker
 * Letting the Wookie win
 * Let one go
 * Let one off
 * Let one rip
 * Let Polly out of prison
 * Let slip the dog of war
 * Let the peach speak
 * Lift off
 * Light a bum cigar
 * Like A Knife
 * Listening to Jim Davidson (or any ill-regarded musician)
 * Meef
 * Message from below
 * Missouri mud ducks
 * Mouse on a motorcycle
 * Number four (note, numbers 3 and up are often switched, only numbers one and two are generally accepted as standard)
 * Odor Opera
 * Open one's lunch box
 * Osmosis of the arse
 * Parp
 * Pass gas
 * Pass wind
 * Poo dust
 * Pumping
 * Rip arse
 * Rip one
 * Root de toot
 * Shit Symphony
 * Silent, but deadly (SBD)
 * Silent, but violent (SBV)
 * "Speak to me, oh toothless one!"
 * Step on a duck
 * Step on a frog
 * Taffing
 * The lonely cry of an imprisoned poop
 * Toot
 * Tootle
 * Trouser cough
 * Trouser trumpet
 * Trumping
 * Undercloud
 * Underpants lion
 * Vulcan butt breathing
 * War cry
 * Was that a mouse on a Harley?
 * Watch out for those barking spiders
 * Whicked Whistlin'
 * Woofie
 * Xenu Speaks

Vomiting

 * Alan's psychedelic breakfast
 * Baking a pavement pizza
 * Barfing
 * Be the mother bird
 * Bite the Chobie
 * Blowing beets/bile/breakfast/chunks/donuts
 * Blue chip special
 * Blow chunks
 * Booting
 * Bow down before the porcelain god (On some occasions, the worshipper vows to the god never to drink again.)
 * Bradding
 * Bronx's Nightmare
 * Bring it up for a vote
 * Calling dinosaurs (Used for particularly loud bouts of emesis.)
 * Calling Huey (or Ralph) on the commode-a-phone
 * Catch it on the rebound
 * Cheektowaga scream
 * Cheese
 * Chow
 * Chuck up
 * Chuck Wagon Chowder
 * Chunder
 * Cook up a pavement pizza
 * Cry Ruth
 * Date Porcelain Patty
 * Do the Bush Thing (used in Japan, after President Bush, Sr. threw up on a Japanese prime minister)
 * Driving the Buick to Europe
 * Driving the porcelain (school) bus
 * Eat backwards
 * Feed the fish (when seasick)
 * Feed your young (like a mother bird regurgitates food for her chicks)
 * Food Escape!
 * Going "bologna"
 * Have an out-of-stomach experience
 * Hiccup from Hell
 * Hock a furball
 * Horking
 * Hug the porcelain wishing well
 * Hurling
 * Hwarfing
 * Inverse Gut
 * Jackson Pollock
 * Jump shot
 * Kiss the can
 * Kneel before the porcelain throne
 * Lap lung butter
 * Launch lunch
 * Liquid laugh
 * Lose your lunch
 * Leaving lunch on the sidewalk
 * Make an offering to the porcelain gods
 * Make a crustless pizza
 * Make a hideous jiffy bag
 * Make like Mount St. Helens
 * McDonald's "Special"
 * Munt
 * New England Clam Chowder
 * Number three (note, numbers 3 and up are often switched, only numbers one and two are generally accepted as standard)
 * Offer a sacrifice at the porcelain altar
 * Paint the sidewalk
 * Painting gastric graffiti
 * Park the tiger
 * Pay homage to the Irishman Huey O'Rourke
 * Pop a gastric zit
 * Pray/worship at the porcelain altar/temple
 * Pray to the porcelain god/goddess/princess
 * Protein Spill
 * Puking
 * Pulling the trigger (intentionally vomiting)
 * Quease
 * Ralphing
 * Regurgitate
 * Reverse-drink (from the Thunder Mug)
 * Revisit dinner
 * Ride the Regurgitron
 * Rope på elgen (Norwegian for "call the moose")
 * Round trip meal ticket
 * Scream at the ants
 * Shout at your shoes
 * Sing psychedelic praises to the depths of the china bowl
 * Snarf
 * Snow bank pizza
 * Soittaa posliinipuhelimella Norjaan (Finnish for "make a phone call to Norway with a telephone made of porcelain")
 * Soul coughing
 * Spewing
 * Splatterhouse
 * Spraying McDonalds
 * Talking on the porcelain telephone
 * Talking to the weeds
 * Talking to God on the big white telephone
 * Technicolour yawn/yodel
 * Throwing up
 * Thunder-chunder rainbow parfait
 * Toilet bowl toss
 * Tossing your cookies
 * Tossing your lunch
 * Turn your guts inside-out
 * Un-eat
 * Upchuck
 * Vector-spew
 * Vomiting
 * Warhol wail
 * Waste good beer
 * Whistling beef
 * Yakking
 * Yarfing
 * Yawn for the hearing impaired
 * Yodelling to the porcelain megaphone
 * Yorxing

Eructation

 * Backward fart
 * Belching
 * Blowing my nose
 * Burping
 * Ructus
 * Seltch (Sneezing and belching due to overpressures.)
 * The call of the wildebeest

Combinations
Another section of toilet humour involves combination bodily functions, which are generally the unexpected result of some forcing mechanism. While these events certainly don't have the lexicographical diversity of their single-function counterparts, they are generally considered humorous in discussion and especially in occurrence.


 * Acid Beak - (see Turtle Action)
 * Anal Leakage- Leaking anus. Generally unexpected, Action of incontinence, also 'sharting' in one's pants or underwear.
 * Chain-Sharting - Sharting as the result of overpressures created by laughing at someone who has just sharted.
 * Crop Dusting - Flatulation while walking quickly {'the man crop dusted his office hoping no one would pin the bad smell on him'}
 * Doing the Triple - When all the pressures in your body build up at the same time (usually during drink fuelled sex) resulting in simultaneous: defecating, vomiting and ejaculating
 * Escapee - A fart that escapes while urinating and/or defecating and/or eructating and/or vomiting and/or sneezing (Snarting).
 * Hot Wheels - (Toy car brand name, T.V ad shows flaming tracks),track/skid marks remaining on the floor of the porcelain bowl after the first, and/or several flush(es)
 * Out of the Closet Pooper - A colleague who defecates at the office unashamedly; usually seen going to the bathroom with a newspaper in hand.
 * Prairie Dogging - (see Turtle Action)
 * SBP - (DMU), Defecation, menstruation and urination in unison.
 * Sharting - When someone defecates as the result of overpressures created      by attempting to flatulate.
 * Snarting - When someone farts as the result of sneezing-induced overpressures.
 * The Holy Shart - When someone defecates in his/her pants with a fart that came as the result of sneezing. Better if someone says "bless you" with the sneeze.
 * Turd Burglar - A person who tries to open the door of your stall while you are defecating.
 * Turtle Action - (see Turtle Time), occurs when the tip, or head of the feces peeks out the anus and/or the sensation of.
 * Vurping - When someone vomits when they eructate.

Constipation

 * Backed up
 * Blocked up
 * Bunged up
 * Full of bricks
 * Plugged up

Miscellaneous bodily odours and medical ailments
Many of these have their own sets of slang and humorous terms and euphemisms or dysphemisms (which should be developed as part of this article).


 * Diarrhea
 * Acid bombs
 * AK-47 action
 * Arseplosion
 * Backdoor Trots
 * Brown Rain
 * Bubbleguts
 * Carpet bomb
 * Chocolate laser
 * Hot Snakes
 * Montezuma's revenge
 * No. 3
 * P.H.I.D.S. (Poop Hole In Distress Syndrome)
 * Scatter bomb
 * Spray-painting
 * Spray poops
 * The Shits
 * Spitting Mud
 * The Squirts
 * The trotts, or the green-apple trots
 * The Skitters
 * Turista
 * Ring stinger
 * Shitting through the eye of a needle
 * Arse blast


 * Halitosis - chronic bad breath
 * Death breath
 * Barf breath
 * Dragons breath
 * Dementor (from Harry Potter)
 * Farthead
 * Ass/Butt Breath
 * Tampon breath


 * Hemorrhoids
 * Arse lips
 * Arse petals
 * Arse flower
 * Arseteriods
 * Farmers (Farmer Giles = Piles)
 * Hemmies
 * 'Roids
 * Little stinky balloons (from Family Guy)
 * Bum Grapes
 * Falling into the Ring of Fire (from Johnny Cash)

Ambiguous
The following are used as intentionally ambiguous terms for a visit to a bathroom/toilet to urinate, defecate, or both:
 * Answering nature's call
 * *Camo-Cough - a fake cough used to distract attention from potentially embarassing in-stall noises
 * *Courtesy flush - flushing the moment the feces hits water to minimize odors, reduce risk of taking the 'walk of shame'(see Walk of Shame)
 * *Decorating the toilet seat (putting paper on the seat)
 * Finding safe haven
 * Finishing up some paper-work (wiping)
 * Freshening up
 * Getting an appointment with Dr. John
 * Going to London
 * Going to Pakistan
 * Going to hit the head (Naval Term)
 * Going to let loose in the loo
 * Going to see a man about a horse
 * Going to sit on the bowl
 * Going to sit on the throne
 * Going to the bathroom (US)
 * Going to the can
 * Going to the Chamber Of Secrets (seeing that it was located in a bathroom)
 * Going to the dunny
 * Going to the "happy room" (Thailand)
 * Going to the little boys'/girls' room (mostly in American English)
 * Going to the "little inventor's room"
 * Going to the loo (UK)
 * Going to see a man about a dog (UK)
 * Going to the "office" (or "cubicle")
 * Going to the privy
 * Going to the Royal office
 * Going where even the emperor must go on foot
 * Going where even the king goes alone
 * Having a healthy
 * Hit the can
 * In the jacks
 * Making breakfast on the back of the porcelain horse
 * Painting the porcelain
 * Paying a visit
 * Perfume the loo
 * Powdering one's nose
 * Reclaiming the throne
 * Reigning on a porcelain throne
 * Seeing Mrs. Murphy
 * Spend a penny
 * Spray-painting the porcelain
 * Taking a biological break
 * Taking a constitutional
 * Testing the plumbing (As in "I'm going to go test the plumbing")
 * * The Walk of Shame - The steps taken from stall, to sink, to door after one has stunk up the (usually workplace) bathroom, (can sometimes be prevented with the courtesy flush)
 * Turtle time!
 * Turtle is poking his head out
 * Using the can
 * Using the facilities
 * Using the john
 * Using the plumbing
 * Visiting Kermit (from Cockney Rhyming Slang: Kermit the Frog = Bog)
 * Visiting Mr. Limbaugh
 * Visiting Mr. Stallman
 * Washing one's hands
 * Washing up